Comparison, jealousy, and envy are popular topics to discuss nowadays. You can search the web to find extensive blogs, podcasts, YouTube videos, and books on this topic from various people including bloggers, motivational speakers, healthcare professionals, pastors, and so many more.
Everyone knows that in our social media age, and culture, these negative traits and thinking patterns have been amplified, having the potential to negatively affect our mental health. These traits have always been part of the “human experience”, but they have become more prevalent in our culture because of the social media age. It may have been easier to hide before because we weren’t bombarded by images of other people’s lives daily. Life was simpler before technology consumed most aspects of our daily lives. Today, you carry a device in your pocket that could enable a “constant comparison” mindset.
You may be more prone to comparing yourself with others, depending on who you are and your personality. It could even happen on a subconscious level because of the constant images on screens and the busy noise of our society. As humans, we’ve all had those thoughts before, but it doesn’t mean that we have to keep allowing those toxic traits to become a part of our mindsets and attitudes.
It’s important to recognize the differences between jealousy, envy, and comparison. It’s also important to understand that there is a “healthy” kind of comparison too.
Healthy comparison will always push you to move forward. It will inspire you to be better, motivate you to improve, and give you hope that you can change a difficult situation in your life. If you have a role model, leader, or mentor in your life who inspired you to be a better version of yourself, you might compare your habits to theirs. If you compare your habits to theirs for the sole purpose of improving an area of your life, and it helps you to achieve a goal, then I would consider that healthy comparison.
Toxic comparison will make you feel bad about yourself and can lead to depression, insecurity, and feelings of low self-esteem. It won’t drive you or motivate you to be better, it just drains your energy and productivity. It can leave you feeling hopeless about your situation or cause you to think, “What’s the point of even trying when ____?”
Dave Ramsey mentioned the differences between jealousy and envy in one of his podcasts:
Envy “is when someone sees what you have and wishes they had it.”
Jealousy “is when someone is envious of what you have, and doesn’t want you to have it either.”
After recognizing the differences between envy and jealousy, you need to recognize when YOU as an individual are tempted to give in to those thoughts, feelings, and emotions of jealousy/envy that can be prompted by comparison. Recognize what areas you are prone to compare yourself to others. For some, it’s their appearance, but for others, it may be their personality or career. It may even be their work performance or work ethic. For example, some people are jealous of others because of how far ahead they have gotten in life and envy their production and wealth. Some people are envious of the physical appearances of others, wishing that they had that person’s “body, face, or height” and so forth.
The Bible says where there is jealousy and envy, is every confusion and every kind of evil practice.
James 3:16 (Amplified Bible) For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder [unrest, rebellion] and every evil thing and morally degrading practice.
That seems harsh, but it makes sense. You can trace the infancy of most sin to envy or jealousy. Think about murder, lying, theft, affairs, deep offenses, gossip, anger, etc. Not all of these sins are a result of envy and jealousy all the time, but in most cases, you can usually trace it back to jealousy in some way, shape, or form.
Saul tried to murder David because of jealousy. He couldn’t stand being looked at as “second best.” It destroyed his relationship with David. It destroyed Saul’s potential. Instead of having a friend who could have greatly served as an asset to him as the king, Saul becomes envious of David, refuses to trust David, and eventually loses his throne.
1 Samuel 18:6-9 When David returned from killing the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, playing songs of joy on timbrels. The women sang as they played, and said, “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” Then Saul became very angry. This saying did not please him. He said, “They have given David honor for ten thousands, but for me only thousands. Now what more can he have but to be king?” And Saul was jealous and did not trust David from that day on.
Proverbs 14:30 (NLT) A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.
If you value peace in your life, you need to be a person who learns to overcome toxic comparison, envy, and jealousy. Overcoming these traits will affect not just your relationships, but will also affect your physical and mental health. You can’t separate one part of “you” from the other part. You can’t separate your emotions from your body. You are first a spirit, living in a physical body containing a mind (your will, intellect, and emotions). Overcoming jealousy, envy, worry, and fear is vital to your overall health, relationships, and every aspect of your life.
Ultimately, it’s unwise to constantly compare yourself with others. 2 Corinthians 10:12 in the AMP says, “We do not have the audacity to put ourselves in the same class or compare ourselves with some who [supply testimonials to] commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they lack wisdom and behave like fools.”
If you want something that someone else has, don’t envy them. Instead, put in the same effort and diligence to achieve your own desired results! If you are working hard for your goals but nothing seems to be working for you, then ask successful people how they achieved those results. Learn from people who have done what you want to do. Ask God to help you. Ask God for whatever it is that you want even if it seems impossible. If it requires a miracle to get it, then He’s the perfect person to ask! What God is willing to do for one person, He will do for all. Being envious of someone else will produce nothing for you. It will steal your peace, joy, and energy. So just skip that part, and be willing to take the steps you need to take to achieve your dreams and goals.